Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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