would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
