yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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