What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
They took my balls.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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