He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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