I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
