Where did you get a picture of my penis
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The air taste purple.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
