Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
