She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
