recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
