It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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