First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
