at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
