dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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