It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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