I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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