i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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