we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
