Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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