she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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