I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
