She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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