Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
