Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
