Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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