No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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