It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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