You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Are we still banned from the library?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
