The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
