I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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