wrigley field is MILF paradise
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
zippers are such a cool invention
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
