I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
