ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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