that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
