I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
