Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
