Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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