the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
