just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
