is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
