What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
