I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
