Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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