Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
