have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
