Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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