Screwed.edu
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
