well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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