I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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