Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
