yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
