She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The air was thick with penises
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
