I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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