you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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